Who Really Believes in Numbers?
by PastPresentFiction
Summary: If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were. Colin Shea found his girl in Jasmine Monahan before he'd ever left high school. She was accepted to NYU. She didn't want him to wait for her, and besides, who believes in numbers?
1. Chapter 1

Colin Shea was looking across the bed at his girlfriend trying to shake loose what he was sure he couldn't have possibly heard right. She couldn't have told him that they were going to take a break. That couldn't be right. They were going on four years together. Longer if you counted the fact that they'd known each other since they were children.

"Jas," he whispered, hoping if he didn't raise his voice, then it wouldn't be real. "You don't mean it."

Jasmine picked up his hand, so much larger than her own and held it between both of hers. She looked up into his blue eyes and he could see the conviction in her own green eyes. She did mean it. She wanted time away from him, time to find herself or something and it was going to make his heart break into a million little pieces.

"Colin, please listen to me." She said, her voice begging him. "I'm not talking about a permanent break. I'm not even talking about a complete break." She pulled him to her and kissed him. "I just want us to be completely sure that the two of us KNOW that what we have is what we want forever." Before he could say anything she continued. "I know that you're going to tell me that you already know, but Colin, that's what we're taught. We're taught that good girls and boys are supposed to find the one person that they're supposed to be with forever and be done, but you and I both know that's not real life." She smiled at him sadly. "I'm going to college, and you're going to be doing your own thing too. I don't want you to sit here pining for me."

He thought about what she was saying, really thought about it. She was talking about cheating. He couldn't fathom wanting anyone the way he wanted her, but at the same time, what she was saying made a sort of sense. "What are you saying, Jas? Do you want us to just pretend that we're not together? Or are we not together?" He asked, scared to even know.

Jasmine looked up at the boy that would own her heart forever, or at least that's how she felt today, and said the one thing that she prayed he'd understand. "Let's just say that we're on hold. From the day I leave for college, Colin and Jasmine are on hold. And we're collecting experience to see if Colin and Jasmine get picked up again."

Colin considered what she was saying, fully.

Jasmine Monahan was always a little forward thinking in their more traditional families. She had embraced her older brother Christopher and his boyfriend Scott when they came out senior year, much to her father's displeasure, but with her fiery temper, she'd helped the family come to see reason.

She was also one of the first girls at their school to step forward when anyone would try to call our another for sleeping around. Slut shaming wouldn't happen in front of Jasmine Monahan. Numbers didn't matter to her. Like she said, boys didn't have that stigma, why should girls. And no one dared to say a word to her, after all, she'd been dating Colin Shea since infancy.

It really shouldn't have come as a surprise to him that she'd come up with this compromise. She'd been accepted to NYU and visits happen of course, but she'd have another life there. As she'd said, he would be making his life here, trying to see what he could do with his music. He threw his head back onto his pillow and tried to think of any way to fight against what she was asking, or another way to make it work, but she was right. They had to try it her way. What was that stupid quote? As if reading his mind, she supplied it.

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." She said, laying down beside him, cradling herself into the crook of his arm, like she was born to fit there. "You know I'll come back, don't you?" She asked, looking up at him from her spot. "That's a given. I just want us to be absolutely certain, and I don't want you to have to suffer from lack of sex while I'm sitting in hours of literature lectures." She said with a dry chuckle.

He smiled at her attempt of humor. "It's not going to bother you that I'm randomly hooking up with women?" He asked, looking down at her, taking in her auburn hair, and those light green eyes that he'd always dreamt of.

She sniffed. "It might, I don't want details, Colin." She emphasized. "I just know that we can't hold each other back." She turned into his body. "I love you, but being gone and not knowing how often I can come back isn't the relationship we deserve. We're too young for that."

Colin sat up against his headboard pulled the only girl he could ever imagine loving into his arms. Her head fit perfectly beneath his chin and she was just the right size for his frame. Jasmine was always going to be the right fit. He knew it and so did she, but she was right about this too. They were going to be apart for at least four years, even with her visits home. And they'd be surrounded by friends who would want them to party and be social. Pining away, or waiting wasn't something people their age should do.

He sighed, not wanting to agree, but knowing he would. "Fine. I don't like it, but you're probably right." He felt her shift and pull away enough to look into his eyes. She cupped his face with her small hands.

"I love you, Colin Shea." She said, leaning into kiss him softly. "I know that seems counter to what I'm saying right now, but I do. I adore you, and I want us to be together forever." She moved to straddle his body. His hands moved automatically to cradle her hips, as natural to him as breathing. "This," she said, rocking her hips against his, "is perfect." He hissed in agreement, his eyes closing. "But, I don't ever want you to settle."

Slowly, carefully, they removed each others' clothing. His parents weren't home. His dad was at work and his mother was out, probably volunteering with hers at the church, ironically. Once they were completely, gloriously naked, they took their time making love. Saying with their bodies, what they had often enough said with their words. Just as natural and normal as breathing.

Their number: 1. Not that it mattered.


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a month since Jasmine Monahan had left for NYU. A month since she'd started classes and become engrossed in her major. She'd soaked up the academia and a little of the culture, if you included walking across the campus culture. Mostly she read and wrote her assigned texts and reading, and called and texted Colin her various observations. She wasn't trying to deny herself the experiences she tried to convince him to have a go at, she just didn't seem to find the time for it.

Colin wasn't having all that much better luck. He'd found an apartment. And his band was having some luck finding gigs, but aside from that, he wasn't being all that much more outgoing. His friends didn't feel like helping him. Jasmine and Colin were well known and liked couple at their high school. No one understood Jas' idea for this "open relationship". So, it wasn't quite going to plan.

Instead, Jas sent Colin NYU crap. T-shirts, caps, bears and the like. She didn't have much time to visit on weekends. Her classes were advanced placement and pretty much keeping her nose to the grindstone. When she wasn't in class, doing homework, talking or texting Colin, she was sleeping. Her new friends, and roommate, were trying everything to tempt her into getting out at all. Colin was trying to convince her as well. Reminding her that her idea only worked if she gave it a try, too. After sending her a selfie, wearing an NYU shirt and cap, he told her to go have a drink in his honor. And with a sigh, promised he'd do the same.

For Colin, that was the turning point as well, he'd felt like he couldn't hold another girl without seeing Jas' face. Seeing her, and feeling someone else would just be wrong. So he did what any red blooded Boston Irish boy would do. He went out with his boys and got shit faced, then went home with someone who looked nothing like his girlfriend. It was the first and last time he'd ever go home with a girl, from that point on, the girls went to his apartment. It opened up the experiences for him, and for that, he was grateful. He guessed, anyway.

Numbers? Still Not Keeping Track…

_**~~~~~SIX YEARS LATER~~~~~**_

"Jas," Colin was saying, as he juggled his guitar, and his apartment key, while he tried to open his door and held his phone to his ear. His across the way neighbor was trying to get out of her apartment while not making eye contact, typical. "I thought you were coming in this weekend?"

"Me too," she said, glaring at her thesis adviser's door where the sign was hanging proclaiming that she couldn't actually take the weekend off as planned, due to the asshole's rearranging schedule. "Unfortunately, I'm standing outside my adviser's office and apparently he arranged the schedule, again." She said something that her mother, and their priest would make her seek confession over. "I was REALLY looking forward to seeing you, Colin." She sighed deeply. "I'm so tired of this."

Colin couldn't deny that he was missing Jasmine too. While filling the void with his overnight guests killed time and gave him something to do, they weren't the same. Not even close. None could or would hold a candle to his Jas. He had been looking forward to this weekend. A full weekend, he couldn't remember when they'd had a full weekend, not since she'd left for NYU six years before. He couldn't fault her for pursuing her dream. She'd never faulted him for doing the same. And the goal was the same, she'd get her Master's and come home to Boston, and teach here, while he pursued his dream. It just sucked being apart.

"So another weekend apart." He knew he sounded pissed, because he was.

"I'm sorry." Her voice sounded small. "I wish," she stopped, knowing it wasn't enough. "I'll let you go, Colin." She hung up, knowing he didn't want to hear anymore excuses.

He hadn't noticed that his neighbor was still standing outside her apartment, nor did he care. He finally let himself into his door, and tossed his guitar case, more carefully than it looked. He sighed and leaned against the open door. Shaking his head, he took another breath. It wasn't her fault. He was just tired and frustrated. Jasmine was the only one he wanted, and he was tired of fill ins.

His cell rang before he could shut his door and he knew it would be one of the guys. Fuck it, he thought, it wasn't like they had a gig. He'd go out and get drunk and find a girl. Slamming his door, he didn't bother to notice if the neighbor was still outside.

_**DAYS LATER~~~~**_

Colin's neighbor had come to him, while he was naked and partaking in an apple and picking up his newspaper, to ask for a favor. He was intrigued.

Ally Darling. She was one of "those" girls. The ones that Jas would have wanted to shake sense into. So worried about being seen as broken or somehow gross because they liked sex. He could almost hear Jasmine's voice in his head telling him to help her, if only to show her that she didn't need these losers she was seeking to fix her.

And so, here he was, working on her list. Finding them one by one, and hopefully showing her why each and every one of them didn't work the first time. All the while, he was trying to work through his feelings over missing Jasmine. How he needed to find a way to be with her, if only for a day.

Sighing, he let himself into Ally's apartment, hoping for a cup of coffee while she slept. So focused on his task and his worry about Jas, he accidentally destroyed the glass carafe. "Shit," he whispered. Moving to the sofa, he refocused, considering how to complete the task of finding Ally's exes, and NOT destroy anything else she owned before she woke up.

He smiled, thinking about her lack of social media presence. Taking what he hoped she'd find a flattering picture of her sleeping, he started her a Facebook page, mentioned in a Tweet the broken coffee carafe, and friended her on her new page. He hoped that Jasmine would notice his new altruism. They hadn't spoken in days, and the texts weren't coming at all. He hadn't seen any emails either, now that he thought about it. Looking online, he checked her Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. No new posts were on any of her accounts. She hadn't been online at all, if they were to be believed. He checked his phone, and noticed that a call had come in the days before, but he didn't remember it. It had been answered, not missed, and he tried desperately to remember. Nothing came.

Before he could torture himself further, Ally woke up, and the conversation switched to his search for her exes. His breaking of her coffee pot, and her new social media account. Jasmine's missed call was quickly pushed to the back of his mind, and then forgotten.

_**JASMINE NYU DAYS EARLIER**_

Jasmine had given Colin a week to cool off after the disappointment of being unable to come home. She called him close to noon, knowing that he'd be awake and it would also give her ample time to devote to him given it was her lunch break. As his phone rang, she felt her heart pound with worry. She hoped he had had enough time to come to terms with his anger, and that he knew that she'd had to go along with the program, no matter how much she wished she didn't.

When the answer came, it wasn't the voice she would know anywhere, instead it was a husky female voice. "Hello?"

Jas, was confused at first, then thinking that perhaps someone picked up by mistake, she asked for Colin. "Yes, hello, is Colin Shea there?" She said, as pleasantly, if not completely certainly.

"I'm sorry, no he's not." The voice said, searching it seemed for the appropriate excuse. "We're heading out for lunch and then we're off to a movie. I guess he hasn't had a chance to let the other girls know about us. Yet." The voice said, Jasmine felt the smugness in her bones. "You may want to ditch this number, honey. He's off the market now."

"Alright, then. Well, goodbye." Jasmine said, feeling her heart constrict. She touched the disconnect button and felt her vision blur. Knowing that it could happen hadn't actually prepared her for it happening.

She sat down on her desk chair, hard. Making sure that she could feel, anything, at this point feeling was important. She looked down at her hand. On it was the promise ring that Colin had given her on her 18th birthday. It was a Claddagh ring with a sapphire stone for her birthstone, and it felt heavy upon her hand now. Should she take it off? She hadn't removed it, not once since he'd place it there, but now did it matter?

Her world was spinning and for a moment she forgot that it was her fault this was happening. Then it came rushing back. This was her fault. No one else was to blame. She made this happen. It was her idea. She told Colin to play the field. She told him not to wait for her. And that made her laugh, she laughed so hard that when the tears started she couldn't stop, not for hours.


	3. Chapter 3

Jasmine was counting down to the end of her time at NYU. Her thesis was finished. Her time spent chained to her adviser was coming to a conclusion. Her brother Topher had called days ago to set up a time to come with his fiance to bring a truck to bring her and all her stuff home. It was bittersweet. She'd be back in Boston, but she wouldn't be with Colin.

Looking around the small apartment she'd rented with the roommate she'd had since Freshman year, she contemplated how much her life had changed in those six years. She'd been so optimistic when she first came to the city. She'd come thinking that in four years she'd have her BA, and she'd go home and teach, but then she'd been offered the path to her Master's. She spent the summer before her fifth year doing multiple pro and con lists. At the top of every pro list was Colin, starting her life with him was the first thing she could think of, but he'd kept telling her that she had to push forward.

Had he really meant it? Or had he just liked his freedom by that point? She had to wonder. Maybe she'd really put herself on the shelf. Pushing herself out of the running, out of the way, all the way in New York, had made it much easier for Colin to see his life without her. So, of course it made sense for her to keep reaching for higher education. He wanted to keep reaching for someone better.

She realized that having these thoughts rolling on repeat weren't helping. And they definitely weren't getting the apartment packed. She grabbed the boxes that Topher had delivered and started taping them together. In two weeks, she'd be back in Boston. Then she could figure out the next step. One foot after the other, that was the key, she told herself. The Claddagh ring was still on her finger, she couldn't bring herself to take it off just yet. She'd make the final decisions soon enough.

_**COLIN DEALING WITH THE AFTERMATH OF ALLY MEETING TOM PIPER**_

After playing HORSE in the Garden, skinning dipping in the Harbor, and ending up in Ally's bed Colin wakes up next to Ally. Something he swore he'd never do again, wake up in another woman's bed. Forgetting Jasmine, and her place in his heart, again. He nearly jumped out of his skin, recalling the promises he made Ally the night before.

He pales as he recalls trying to show her how important her love of the little sculptures she creates are, and how little the addition of another number to her sexual history would be. He knows that he hasn't told her about finding Jake Adams, yet, but wonders why he should. Maybe Ally is his chance at starting over, perhaps that's why Jasmine hasn't gotten back in contact with him, maybe they're meant to move on.

He's trying to convince himself of the truth of it. He's selling her on the idea of lucha libre wrestling, and authentic Mexican food, but she's already jumping from the bed, where no sex was had the night before, to rush to her sister's side for more wedding planning, and he hears himself offer to go as her date. Even though he knows her sister can't stand him. Even though he knows this feels wrong. That something isn't right.

And as he lies in her bed, she grabs the phone and rushes out, and he rolls over wondering when everything will fall into place, like Jasmine always predicted.

_**JASMINE'S APARTMENT MOVING DAY**_

Jasmine's brother and his fiance Scott arrive ready to move mountains. Or at least a load of boxes. They aren't prepared to see his sister looking like she hasn't slept well for weeks. And they aren't really ready to see how unhappy she is, after all, she's about to graduate with high honors and a Master's degree. To say Topher, as she calls him is concerned is an understatement.

As Scott grabs another box, Topher takes Jas' hand and sits her on her roommates sofa. "What's up, Jas? You're looking like a ghost."

She sniffled, and barely glanced at him. Shrugging, she takes a sip out of her bottle of water. "Nothing, just tired from all those hours working on my thesis, big brother." She hopes she sounds convincing. She just wants to get through the move. There's no time to break down, and Topher is too empathetic for his own good.

He forces her to look at him. "That shit will work for Dad, but not on me, and sure as hell not on Mom. So try again, lil sis."

She glares at him for a moment then gives up. "Fine. Colin found someone else." She sits her bottle of water down and purses her lips. "It's all my fault, of course. I mean, I told him that we were on a pause, so he had all the opportunity in the world to find my replacement. And so, he did." She found herself twisting the promise ring on her finger. "I guess I should take this off, huh?"

"I'll kill him." Topher says, gritting his teeth. "That bastard, I'll wring his damn neck."

"No, you won't." Jasmine says, standing up, and pulling her big brother to his feet. She hugs him to her. "You won't because like I said, I gave him the permission to find her. That was my brilliant idea, Topher. I told him I didn't want him waiting in the wings for me. I didn't think it was fair for us to have to hold out for each other. I even used that stupid quote. Like it was fucking true." She rolled her eyes.

Scott came in then, seeing the siblings hugging. "What's going on?"

"Colin, idiot of the century, is with a different girl now." Topher growled, over the top of Jasmine's head.

Scott, not missing a beat, came straight over and joined the hug. "Dumb ass." He kissed Jasmine's head. "Doesn't know what he's missing."

Jasmine sniffled. "You two are all that a girl like me needs right now." She gave a weak sob, then pulled away. "Let's get back to loading the truck. I want to go home."

_**THE JAKE ADAMS DEBACLE**_

Ally had picked up Colin's phone, by accident of course. It seemed to happen rather frequently, if he was being honest. She'd read that he found Jake Adams, and she demanded his information. So much for Ally being his second chance. Maybe Jasmine wasn't working in mysterious ways. It still didn't make any sense about why he hadn't heard from her though.

He went back through his call logs again. The last call he had from her came in at one time and date. Looking at it, he realized that the call before and after were numbers he didn't recognize. Performing a reverse number search, like a good police officer offspring should have done before, and he realized his mistake. They were numbers that Ally used. One was her sister Daisy's, the other was something else she'd used before. He had to exercise more control than he knew he possessed to stop himself from smacking his head on the table he was sitting at.

He could guess what had happened. Jasmine called his phone. She asked for him. Ally had his phone. She answered. And she came up with an entirely inappropriate excuse for where he was, and it was all because he hadn't told either woman about the other. FUCK. His entire life was screwed and all because he'd decided to help the neighbor across the hall.

No wonder she wouldn't answer his phone calls or texts. He had no idea what Ally had told her, but he could guess. And he'd nearly convinced himself that he was falling for her. Jesus. He was deluded. Did he even deserve Jasmine? The last time he'd talked to her he was angry over a situation she couldn't change or even have a choice in. And now her family probably knew. FUCK.

He considered his options. He could call her, but he knew she wouldn't take his calls. Understandable. Christopher, her brother, might be an option. He'd want to kick his ass, also understandable, but he'd take the call. Closing his eyes, Colin dialed.


	4. Chapter 4

Colin called Topher's cell. He knew he'd pick up and the chances were high that he knew about Colin's fuck-up, but he had to try. Jas wouldn't talk to him. Or worse, she would because she was 100X better than he was, but he wouldn't force that on her.

As the phone rang, he considered what he would say. The phone picked up. It wasn't Topher.

"Hello, Colin." Scott answered coldly. "Why are you calling Toph?"

Sighing Colin took a breath and shot his only shot. "Because I fucked up, Scott. And I'd rather check with Topher how badly I screwed up, then hurt her more."

Scott listened and gave the simplest, most honest answer he could. "Horribly, Colin, that's how bad you've fucked up. She's like a ghost. I watched her when she finally told Toph. She actually blames herself. Do you know how fucked up that is?"

"It wasn't her fault. Shit." Colin groaned. "I haven't slept with the woman who answered my phone." He left out the 'yet'. "She's someone I was helping, platonically. She grabbed my phone by accident."

"Why would she act like a girlfriend?" He asked accusingly. "She answered and told Jas that you were a couple."

Another groan came out of Colin's mouth. "Complicated story, Scott."

"Well, figure the story out, Colin. Because you're not talking to Toph with a half-assed excuse and a non-answer like 'complicated story'. He'd kill you on the spot with just his glare." Scott said, calm, but still pissed. "You hurt Jasmine, Colin. She gave you an open hall pass, and you took it and ran. Then, instead of manning up and telling her that you found someone else, or whatever other complicated bullshit you're trying to pull, she found out from your 'platonic' friend."

"Scott, please," Colin begged.

Scott stopped him. "Get your shit together, Colin. Then call Toph again. Hope for the best, because I tell you, it doesn't sound like you're there yet. Good luck!" Then the phone went dead in his ear.

Great, just fucking great. He ruined it. And for what? For Ally Darling and her messed up world? Jesus. Shaking his head he wondered how to fix the mess he'd created by trying to help a neighbor.

_**JASMINE'S PARENTS' HOUSE DAYS LATER**_

"Why haven't we seen Colin, yet?" Jasmine's mother asked, putting the roast on the table for dinner. "His mom hasn't said anything about him visiting her, but now that you're home, why hasn't he come around?"

Jasmine stiffened. She had hoped that she'd have more time. Time to figure out how to break the news of their break up. She'd been home for less than a week, and already she was asking. She sighed, but Scott spoke up for her.

"He's probably just busy. Wedding season, and his band does big business this time of year, right Jas?" He was giving her a weird look, so she agreed.

"Yeah, Ma, he's booked solid for the next couple of weeks. Between rehearsal and the actual performances, he'll be busy for awhile." Jas was happy that her voice was steady. She wasn't even playing with her ring.

Dinner went on, no more questions about Colin, but Jasmine wondered about Scott's interruption. He rarely broke into the conversation. He still felt a little uncomfortable with her very Catholic family, but tonight was different. Deciding to have a little chat with her future brother-in-law after the meal, she ate and wondered if he'd heard from Colin.

Once dinner finished, her family retired to their own devices, and she cornered her brother and Scott. "What was that about?" She asked, watching Scott's face.

Topher broke in and tried to lessen the blow. "Colin called my phone and Scott answered."

Jas's eyebrows rose in shock. "And I'm just now hearing about this, why?"

"Because, Jas, he doesn't have his shit together. He called to find out how 'badly he fucked up'. And offered some lame ass story about how he had been helping some chick with her issues or something and they were 'platonic' and she picked up his phone by accident." Scott rolled his eyes. "I told Toph and we decided not to bring it up. He hasn't called back, and we knew that you'd listen to him and find a way to forgive."

"Way too easily," Topher added. "You are the most understanding and empathetic human we know, Jas. You'd take him back in a heartbeat, and we're not sure he deserves it."

"So you chose for me?" Jasmine asked, hurt again. "Whether I listen to him or not, Topher, you should know that it's my choice." Her eyes filled with tears. "Everyone, Colin, you two keep making my choices for me. I gave him permission to play the field, hoping that it would sow his oats or whatever. I did that. If he fucked up, that's on him and me. Yet, you two decided to keep me out of the loop. Why did he call you anyway? Why not just try me?" She was in pain. The hurt, kept cutting deeper. Her tears came hot and fast.

"He didn't want to hurt you if you didn't want to talk to him." Scott said, shocked by how badly she was taking everything. "We didn't want to hurt you."

"Do I look like I'm hurt?" She asked, falling apart in front of them. "Do I look OK? He's been the boy I loved, turned to the man I loved. He hurt me, sure, but this," she gestured between them. "This tears my heart out. I trusted you."

Topher grabbed her in a tight hug, feeling like he was trying to keep her together. "Jasmine, please, understand. We didn't want this, this pain that's pouring out of you. We wanted to let you heal, then if he'd figured out his excuse, you could make that choice." He shushed her as he pulled her into her room. Scott closed the door as Jasmine cried herself out. "We were going to tell you, Jas, I swear. We just wanted to give you a chance for peace."

Pulling away, Jasmine looked at him and Scott. "I know you thought it was for the best. I know your hearts were in the right place." She sat on her bed. "You have to know that I need a choice in things. I want to be able to decide whether or not to hear him, OK?"

They nodded, looking uncomfortable. "We get it, Jas." Scott answered. "If you want to talk to Colin that's your choice. Just don't be too soft-hearted. Please?"

She agreed, and asked them to leave her alone. She needed time. Time to come to grips with what she learned. Time to decide if she wanted to talk to Colin. Time to figure out what was next for her.

They left and she laid back on her bed. A bed that once held Colin and herself, during trysts when their mothers were at church volunteering and their fathers were at work. She remembered their first time, it was here. No candles, no roses, just in her bed, finally touching like they couldn't touch one another enough. Being careful, but free with their intimacy. It was right, and perfect.

Was she ready to say goodbye to that? To him?

**COLIN'S APARTMENT**

Getting ready for a wedding gig, Colin could barely look at himself in the mirror. He knew this wedding was going to be huge, but he couldn't seem to psych himself up.

A wedding, another one, just wasn't going to bring his mood up. He'd sing the songs the couple picked. He'd make the regular announcements for first dance, father and the bride, and when they were ready to cut the cake, but his mind would be on a house close to his childhood home. He'd be thinking of Jasmine every moment of tonight, no matter how glitzy the wedding was going to be.

His bandmates were worried. Worried he would drop the ball or that he'd make some slip up that they wouldn't be able to rebound from. They didn't need to. Colin could do the wedding list blindfolded and sick. It was automatic and came easily. He'd even be able to fake enthusiasm.

As he finished his tie, he glanced at the mirror. Jasmine always joked that he looked like a boy playing dress up in his suits. And today he felt like a phony. She would have been able to see straight through his careful facade. Only her and his mom could see through any lie he told. One of the reasons he hadn't been home to visit in awhile.

He chuckled darkly and turned from the sight of his own face. "One of the reasons," he muttered. "Not the important one."

He hadn't been home because he was terrified he'd see Jas and not be able to stop himself from running to her. That he'd force his presence on her and hurt her more. And that in hurting her his family and hers would see him for the fraud he felt like.

Grabbing his guitar case, Colin locked the door and ran downstairs. He didn't notice that Ally was leaving too, or that she was with Jake Adams. It didn't matter. He was still upset that she hadn't mentioned his phone call from Jasmine. That she clearly didn't notice that Jas was a contact in his phone and she still took it upon herself to declare that they were a couple. It was for the best that she didn't try to talk to him. Not now.

Number: It doesn't matter, because the ONE they each want is out of reach.


	5. Chapter 5

Colin couldn't fucking believe it. He had been in the middle of a set when Ally Darling bum rushed him on stage. The rest of the band had looked like he felt. His colossal fuck up was going to ruin them. Jesus, did she really think that this would put her in a good light? What did she think this was a rom-com?

After she tried to explain that Jake Adams wasn't for her, that she saw clearly that Colin was her fate or destiny, Jake stared at her like she had lost her mind. Who was this woman? Honestly, Jasmine would shake her senseless trying to get her straight.

"Ally, stop." Colin said, bringing her monologue to a standstill. "I'm sorry, but you and I are not happening." He watched her face fall. "I wasn't completely honest with you from the beginning. I love someone else."

"What are you talking about?" She didn't look heartbroken, just confused. "You've slept with half of Boston, Colin. Who's the LUCKY girl?" Sarcasm, cute.

Colin shook his head. "You'd never understand. Jasmine, we've been together since we were children. She left to go to NYU six years ago and before she left she wanted to-" He struggled to explain and went with the simplest. "We agreed to be in an open relationship. We were always the end game, Ally."

Her eyebrows raised. "You offered me a chance at a relationship with you. What was that?"

She was right, what was that? Sighing he realized how deeply he'd dug this hole. "Jas and I had a hiccup in our relationship. And being an idiot, I tried to convince myself that it was a sign that you and I should try it." Realizing the hiccup was partially her fault, he sent her a look. "The upset in our relationship was sort of your fault."

She shot the look right back. "MY fault? And how is that?"

"The day you took my phone, the first time. You got a call for me, a woman. That was Jasmine. You told her that we were together, at least that's what I assume. I found a call from her that was answered, and the calls before and after were calls you made. Am I wrong?" Colin felt like he was passing the blame around, but truth be told, he was angry at Ally. She was so focused on herself and her wants that she assumed everyone else was part of making her whole.

Ally paled, she remembered the call. "You never told me that you had someone important, how would I have known?"

"Because, Ally, you should have noticed that she was number one on my contacts, and that every time you've taken my phone by accident, how often did women call asking for me?" He asked it without venom. "You didn't care. You made an assumption and ran with it."

"How do you know that this Jasmine will even take you back?" She asked, eyes flashing. "Even with an open relationship, hearing that you're taken by someone else probably pissed her off. We could still try this, Colin." She reached for him, but he stepped back. "Why not try something new?"

Colin glared at her. "I don't care if she takes me back or not, Ally. This," he gestured between them. "Will not be happening. You don't consider me the 'one' until it suits you. You and I aren't right for each other, Ally. We never were and never will be."

Ally turned on her heel and stomped away. Pissed, but not heartbroken Colin noticed. Good, he thought, stepping back on stage and trying to salvage his job. The last thing he needed was a woman who was wishy washy about her feelings. He knew one more thing as he started the next song and noticed several single women glancing his way. He'd be going home alone tonight. And for the foreseeable future. He was done.

Colin sang and formed a plan. It was time to get Jasmine back.

**A BAR ACROSS BOSTON~ IN JASMINE AND COLIN'S OLD NEIGHBORHOOD**

"Come on, Jas!" Christine yelled over the music. "At least pretend you're having fun!"

Jasmine rolled her eyes. This wasn't her idea of fun. And it wasn't her idea to be here at all. When her hometown best friend had called and insisted on a girl's night out, she'd tried multiple excuses to get out of it. None worked.

"I'd pretend if I could, Chris, but you and I both know I'm no fake." She gave a pained smile. "I'd rather be having dental work."

Chris laughed. "You look like you're having dental work." She sighed and pulled Jasmine to a corner booth, giving up on trying to get her bestie to dance. The booth was quieter, and sitting there she noticed how tired and upset her friend still looked. "The point of this was to get your mind off Colin."

Jasmine shook her head as Chris waved for a waitress' attention. "I know. I'm sorry, I just can't seem to stop thinking about him. Pitiful, huh?"

Chris ordered their drinks and shook her own head. "No, it's not. Jas, you two were together for so long, of course you're upset. Hell, the whole neighborhood is going to be upset. I bet they've been planning your wedding for years."

A dark chuckle escaped Jas' lips. "A wedding. That's rich. I gave him permission to play the field and didn't expect him to find someone else. I'm an idiot." Their drinks arrived and Jasmine shot hers back. Screw it, she decided, getting drunk could be cathartic.

The night progressed in a blur of drinks and, once she finally got a good buzz, dancing. She and Chris were on the dance floor when she noticed her friend's eyes dart to the bar. Rolling her own, she assumed her best friend saw a hottie and was interested. She was about to tell her to go ahead when Chris tried to divert her attention elsewhere. Curiosity peaked, she looked where Chris' attention had been focused.

At the bar were a few of Colin's bandmates. Scanning quickly, heart pumping harder than even the dancing could be credited for, she let out her breath when she realized that Colin wasn't with them. She contemplated going up to them. They were friends of hers after all, but she decided against it. Chris' stress left her when she realized that Jas wasn't interested in confronting them.

Unfortunately they didn't get the memo. Chris watched as Joe and Matt came strutting toward them. Jasmine had gone back to dancing, but Chris' hand on her arm and a nod of her head caused her to look to where Colin's bandmates were approaching. Sighing she nodded and kept dancing as they approached.

"Christine and Jasmine!" Matt yelled over the noise. "Fancy seeing you two here. Been a long time, Jas."

Jasmine nodded her agreement and kept dancing. Hoping against hope that neither Matt, nor Joe would have to bring Colin up, but knowing it was a useless hope.

Joe was watching her carefully, and noticed her hand still wore the ring that Colin had given her. He raised an eyebrow, wondering if they weren't actually broken up. After witnessing the scene at their gig tonight with the blonde neighbor, he was confused.

"Colin's been out of sorts lately." He mentioned casually, judging her reaction. There was a tightness around her eyes, but she didn't say anything. She continued dancing, but it was less frantic and excited, now it looked like it was something she had to keep up. Pretenses.

"Yeah, he had a really rough night. Thought his drama would fuck up our job tonight." Matt agreed, taking a swig from his beer. "That chick just barged onto the stage and took him away for a chat."

That's all Jasmine had to hear, she was done. Clearly Colin's new girl was the center of his world. Anyone who could command his attention during his music was special. She rolled her eyes and walked away. She was done. Thanks for cementing the loss of her relationship, guys, she thought. She waved Chris off. Her house was within walking distance and she needed the air. She wasn't afraid of the darkness, she knew this neighborhood like the back of her hand.

The fresh air helped sober her. She was still a little unsteady on her feet, but she made her way carefully along the path home. So it really was over, she thought and had to stop herself from starting the frightening laughter that would make her start sobbing. Maneuvering along the glowing path, she thought about their past. Before she'd been accepted to NYU. Before she made the stupid decision to give him free reign on sex with other women. She'd never admit it, but she gave him the out, but never took it for herself. Touching another man, any other man didn't appeal to her in the least.

Guys at the bars she'd been forced to frequent during her college years had tried to hit on her. She gave in to a kiss or two, but each time Colin's face, his touch, the kisses they shared would rear up and she'd pull back and shake her head. No one had gotten further than a kiss. It just didn't feel right to her.

She didn't begrudge him taking advantage of what she'd offered him. Jasmine was honest when she said they were too young to not explore other options. Obviously he'd found something more than what they had, while she was stunted. No one would be what Colin had been to her. And even now, wearing the ring that she should have taken off as soon as the other woman picked up his phone, she couldn't really imagine a future without him. Guess being a spinster sounds OK.

She was nearly home when her cell rang. Holding it up to check who the caller was, she squinted. It couldn't be. She was clearly too drunk to read or it was wish fulfillment. He couldn't be calling NOW.

She struggled with her emotions for a split second before pressing ANSWER. Holding the phone to her ear, she felt her heart clench waiting for the last shoe to drop.


	6. Chapter 6

Colin was so shocked she'd answered that he nearly dropped the phone. She didn't say a word, and now that she had picked up he wasn't sure what to say. How do you apologize for this mess?

"Jas?" He whispered, hoping that she could hear him because he was terrified to do anything to cut off the call.

He heard a sniffle and his heart lurched. "Jasmine, can we talk?" He listened as she made a small noise of assent. "Ah, Jas, I don't know where to begin."

She finally spoke and the pain in her voice nearly broke him in two. "What's to say, Colin? You met someone. I knew there was a chance, but I gave you the OK. It hurts, but I'm sure it'll go away. Time heals all, or something right?" She chuckled, but it wasn't funny. Not to her, where she stood leaning against a light pole, nor to him at his apartment sitting on a sofa that felt too big.

"That's not what happened, Jas." He hoped she could hear the sincerity that he was trying for. "She's not-we're not, damn it."

Jasmine wiped a traitorous tear from her cheek. "I'm sorry, Colin, sorry that you seem confused. It's OK, I told you, I get it. I made bad choices, and now here we are. You're free, don't worry about me. I'll be fine." She clicked the END button and put her phone back in her pocket.

Walking on, she felt like the weight of the world was on her shoulders. Ending it was the right thing to do. He just was being Colin, hoping that she was alright. Making sure that she wasn't hurt or wouldn't get over it. So she gave him the rest of his release. And when she finally got home, and was safe in her room, she took off his ring. Clinging to it wasn't going to help her move on. He had, and now she had to work past it and look to the future.

**COLIN'S APARTMENT**

Colin sat looking at the phone in his hand. Rarely destructive, he had the sudden urge to throw it hard against the wall. Watching it shatter would feel satisfying, because it clearly had been culpable in her heart break.

Why had he called? Just because Matt and Joe had called and mentioned she was out? Because Christine had ripped Joe's phone from him and told him just how fucked up it was that he'd destroyed her best friend? Or was it because he really thought that a phone call would fix this fucking disaster?

Groaning he fell back against the sofa. He needed to fix it. He needed to see her and touch her. He wanted to make everything better, but he also knew that he would have to come completely clean with her. He had to admit that he had, for a moment, considered a life without her. A life with the very woman who had answered the phone and helped wreck the future he'd always expected.

Tomorrow was Sunday. He hadn't been home for church and Sunday dinner in months. Maybe he'd make an exception. Go home, go to church and see her. Grovel, beg, plead to get the real girl of his dreams back. Even if it meant that he'd have to face her family and his, plus an entire neighborhood who believed in their relationship.

It was time. Time to make it right.


End file.
